6/01/21; Week 7: Difference in Manners.

 Watch your manners!

How many times you have heard the following pieces of advice from your parents or close relatives - "Don't chew with your mouth open." "You shouldn't do that. It's not appropriate." "Watch your manners!".  Immediately after hearing those phrases, you would try to correct yourself to not cause any embarrassment for your beloved one or yourself in a social situation.

In a TESOL classroom, the concept of manners becomes vast and blurry, because what is acceptable and polite for some people, can be seen as rude and inappropriate for other, from other culture.

People's manners can tell much more about them than their level of politeness. How people display their manners can tell us many things about their culture such as hierarchy level, high or low tolerance for emotional expressivity, respect for the opposite sex, curiosity regarding outsiders, respect for people in public places, interest or lack of it, sanitary behavior and so on.

For example, according to the Professor of Languages and International Studies at BYU-Idaho, John J. Ivers (06 Difference in Manners, 2015), in Bolivia people are used to staring at outsiders with curiosity. Although it is a common practice in Bolivia, in the United States it is awkward and disturbing. In the United States, if a person needs to blow the nose in public, it's not a problem, he or she can use a handkerchief. While in Japan, it's highly recommended only to blow the nose in public if it's a real emergency. Even though, it needs to be done most discretely as possible.

There are differences in manners that can bring disastrous misunderstandings. In China, belching is considered a compliment to the chef and a sign that you have eaten well and enjoyed your meal (the Editors of Publications International, Ltd., 2021). In most western cultures, it is belching at a table is considered disgusting and very indelicate.

So, what to do when sharing an environment with people from different cultures and manners?

First, we have to be open-minded and understand that people do things differently from us, even when their attitudes sound inappropriate for us, we should seek understanding and tolerance. Second, it's important to remember that our actions also can be judged by other people, so observing people's reactions is a good start; we may explain what we are doing and why. Finally, being out of our country, when experiencing other cultures we should observe and follow the patterns, as my mom would advise - "monkey see, monkey do". When in when in Rome do as the Romans do!

Reference

the Editors of Publications International, Ltd. (2021, April 13). 13 Examples of Good and Bad Manners Around the World. HowStuffWorks. https://people.howstuffworks.com/13-examples-of-good-and-bad-manners-around-the-world.htm#page=0

06 Difference in Manners. (2015, March 19). BYU-Idaho - TESOL 378; Ivers Video. https://video.byui.edu/media/06+Difference+in+Manners/0_xc0a34gb